Encouragement Over Praise: How to Raise Confident, Capable Kids with the Power of Your Words

We all want our children to grow up confident, resilient, and ready to tackle life’s challenges. But did you know that the way we talk to our kids plays a powerful role in shaping how they see themselves and their abilities?

Carol Dweck, a leading psychologist and author of Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, teaches us that our words can either foster a growth mindset or unintentionally reinforce a fixed mindset. The difference? It often comes down to how we use encouragement vs. praise.

Let’s explore what that means—and how you can use these principles at home.

What’s the Difference Between Praise and Encouragement?

Praise often focuses on outcomes or traits:

“You’re so smart!”“Good job!”“You’re the best player on the team!”

While well-meaning, these phrases can lead children to believe that their worth is tied to performance or inherent traits—which can make them avoid challenges out of fear of failure.

Encouragement, on the other hand, highlights effort, strategy, persistence, and process:

“You worked so hard on that puzzle!” or “I noticed how you kept trying, even when it got tricky.” or “You found a new way to solve that problem.”

Encouragement helps children build confidence from the inside out. It teaches them that growth and learning come from effort, not perfection.

Why It Matters: The Growth Mindset Difference

Carol Dweck’s research found that children who are praised for being “smart” or “naturally talented” may begin to fear failure, avoid risks, and give up easily.

In contrast, children who are encouraged for their effort and strategies are more likely to:

• Take on challenges

• Persist through setbacks

• Believe they can improve

• Feel confident trying new things

  
  

This is the foundation of a growth mindset—the belief that abilities can be developed through effort, learning, and practice.

How Parents Can Practice Encouragement at Home

Here are a few simple ways to shift from praise to encouragement:

1. Focus on the process, not the person

Instead of: “You’re so good at math!”Try: “You worked really hard to understand that problem, and you figured it out!”

2. Notice strategies and persistence

Instead of: “You’re such a good artist!”Try: “You kept adding details to your drawing—you really stuck with it.”

3. Ask reflective questions

• “What part was the most challenging for you?”

• “How did you decide to try it that way?”

• “What helped you keep going?”

These questions build self-awareness and reinforce that learning is a journey, not a performance.

4. Model your own growth mindset

Let your child hear you say things like:

• “This was tough, but I’m proud I didn’t give up.”

• “I made a mistake, but I learned something new!”

Encouragement Builds Inner Strength

When children feel seen for how they show up—not just what they achieve—they grow into confident, curious, and resilient learners. Your words have the power to shape how your child sees themselves and the world.

So next time your child tackles a challenge, look beyond the outcome. Encourage the effort, the creativity, the bravery—and watch their confidence grow.

Looking for more ways to support your child’s emotional and learning journey? Let’s connect. You don’t need to have all the answers—just a willingness to grow alongside them.

Call or text 214-945-3298 for a complimentary phone consultation!

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