Empowering Choices: A Simple Parenting Tool That Builds Cooperation and Confidence
- Farina T
- Jun 2
- 3 min read
Have you ever found yourself locked in a power struggle with your child over something as small as putting on shoes or cleaning up toys? You’re not alone—and there’s a simple yet powerful tool that can help: choice giving.
Dr. Garry Landreth, a leading voice in play therapy, teaches that giving children structured choices helps them feel empowered, understood, and more willing to cooperate. This technique is more than a behavior management tool—it supports healthy development, self-regulation, and mutual respect.
What is Choice Giving?
Choice giving means offering your child two acceptable options instead of issuing commands or ultimatums. The key is that you’re okay with either outcome—so your child feels empowered without being overwhelmed.
Why It Works
Gives your child a sense of control in a world where most decisions are made for them
Encourages independence and decision-making skills
Prevents power struggles and reduces defiance
Builds trust and connection
How to Practice Choice Giving: A Step-by-Step Guide
1. Decide What’s Non-Negotiable
Before offering choices, identify the boundary or goal. What must happen (e.g., bedtime, safety, leaving the house)? The choices you offer should stay within that limit.
Example: "It’s time to brush teeth" is non-negotiable, but how it happens can be flexible.
2. Offer Two Acceptable Choices
Make sure both options are ones you can follow through on and are developmentally appropriate.
Example: “Would you like to brush your teeth first or put on pajamas first?”
3. Keep it Simple and Calm
Use a warm, calm tone. Avoid sarcasm or too many words.
Try: “You can choose the red cup or the blue cup. Which cup do you choose?” Avoid: “You never make up your mind—just pick something already!”
4. Hold the Boundary
If your child refuses to choose, gently remind them and make the choice for them if needed.
Example:“Hmm, that's a tough choice. If you don’t choose, I’ll choose for you.”
This isn’t a punishment—it’s a follow-through. It helps your child learn the value of making decisions within safe limits.
Everyday Examples
“Do you want to hop like a bunny or march like a robot to the car?”
“Would you like to sit in your booster seat by yourself or do you want my help?”
“Would you like two more minutes of play before bedtime or would you like to start bedtime now?”
When It Doesn’t Go As Planned
Some days, your child may be too tired or dysregulated to choose. That’s okay. Stay consistent, offer empathy, and try again another time. Over time, choice giving helps your child feel seen and capable.
Final Thoughts
Giving choices isn’t about avoiding limits—it’s about inviting your child to participate in them. When you offer structured choices with warmth and clarity, you’re helping your child build confidence, decision-making skills, and emotional regulation.
And just like us, kids respond better when they feel like they have a say.
Looking for parenting support or wondering how to use choice giving in tricky situations? Feel free to reach out—I’d love to help you find what works for your family.
Call or text 214-945-3298 for a complimentary phone consultation
Source Note:
The concept of choice giving is adapted from the work of Dr. Garry L. Landreth, a renowned child psychologist and founder of the Center for Play Therapy at the University of North Texas. His contributions to child-centered play therapy have profoundly influenced approaches to respectful and developmentally appropriate parenting. For more, see his book "The Art of the Relationship."
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